Moments I remember

This blog has been silent for a long time.. It's because I have been really busy with my studies. It has been very interesting and rewarding but also really tiresome and stressful, so I haven't had time to think about other stuff.. Even singing and writing and painting and all that has been left for very little if not no time...

Today, I went to the sauna with my friend, and we talked about our exchange experinces (she was in Italy earlier than me). And just now, I got a message from a choir mate from Jiao Da Choir on facebook.. and in moments like these I remember the times in Taiwan and I feel happy about them but also very sad. Sadness is because I miss those moments, those people, those things in Taiwan very much, and also because it all seems so very far away and it seems hopelessly distant that I would ever be able to go back. But I really want to go there again, I miss so many things so much. I really did fall in love with the place..

I can go for long periods just living, not remembering I was ever away.. Sometimes it feels like just a short dream, like I never was away from here. But then some small things remind me of something in Taiwan, and it makes me feel like I want to cry. But it's not so strong or horrible, it's just.. like some part of me is missing. Even if it's sad, those memories are lovely and I love to think about them.

I have put a lot of memories from Taiwan on my walls, so I would not forget. I have a "Wish to see you in Taiwan"-poster (with 飛輪海 :D), a plastic kind-of-like-airballoon-drum-thing from the Meichu sports competition (those were given to the audience when we were cheering up for JiaoDa baseball team), some photos, a tradtional chinese painting that I bought in Taipei Longshan night market and the card I got from my choir mates when the semester ended.. All of those things mean a lot to me.. because they are the only part of that life I could bring with me here.

Now when I think of my year in Taiwan, the things I remember the best, and miss the most, are my classes and classmates, all my friends (both foreign and taiwanese), the wonderful sceneries on the mountains, daily life with might markets and seven elevens and canteen foods, the beautiful campus (I loved it) and the nature with all the trees..even the hotness of the summer. And I miss the choir very very much.. Making music together with people is such a wonderful, strong, big thing. All of the people in the choir became very important and I regret it that I had to say goodbye so soon. I would have wanted to spend more time with you guys, learn to know you better. Because the choir was the strongest link I had to the normal taiwanese life and people. You made me really feel Taiwan and how beutiful the culture is and how friendly and nice the people are. :)

One thing is.. I cannot watch the photos I took in Taiwan.. If I open the folders on my computer and look at the pictures.. the feeling is so strong that I don't like to feel it. It's one kind of pain, watching them, because it returns me to those places but at the same time I cannot be sure if I'll ever see those places and people again. It's the home that I had to leave. And I want to go back, so much.. I think I will go back after graduation, to work or something.. I just can't think that part of my life is over forever. It can't be.

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P.S. If you are one of those people in Finland or in Taiwan, who knows the song Pääskölintu, päivölintu, this next story is for you. Just today, I realised what the song is all about. :D After singing it in different places and groups for over two years.. :D And it's not like I did not know the story before, I just now made the commection.

I was skimming through an finnish language book for eighth grade and found a kind of comic strip that looked very familiar.. there was a bird, who went around different places, then found a lady in the sea and made his nest there on her knee. Then she laid some golden eggs and one copper egg.. but then the lady twisted her knee and the eggs fell into the water. That comic strip really looked like it was picturing the Pääskölintu, päivölintu -song exactly.. it seemed very odd, as the song is not popular and should not be in the book.

Then I read what that page and strip is about, and noticed it tells about the myths from the great finnish epic, Kalevala. (For the foreign friends: Kalevala was written in 19th century and it tells about the old beliefs, myths and stories of the finnish people.) That comic was about the story of how the world was greated according to the old religion of the finns. The big bird flew around, searching for a place to nest, and the lady of air was sitting in the water. The bird saw her knee and made his nest there and laid some golden eggs and one brass one. But the lady felt the heat of the nesting bird and shaked her knee, so all the eggs fell into the water.. and when the eggs broke, pieces of those eggs became the parts of the world as we know it and so everything was started. I have heard this story many times before,so it's actually really amusing that I made the connection with the song only now.. :D And I always wondered why the song said something about copper eggs (vaskimunat), like "that's so weird..why are the eggs copper...". Stupid me.. :D

Beginning of the semester and getting my life back

It is time for many new things after the summer that was spent mostly waiting. Yesterday was the first day at school, starting the teaching practise period, which involves not only going to the school to teach the kids but also planning and watching lessons, practical and theory lessons, groupwork, projects, and a lot of stuff I did not get at all. We had two info lectures, all together four hours, and they poured so much information that it was almost impossible to keep a track over everything. There is a lot we need to do this year, and all of it both compulsory and out of our control, and we are just responsible that we somehow know every meeting and lesson that we need to be in and then are there. But besides the initial confusion, all of it sounds challenging, exciting, very new and fun. I'm sure it is going to be a lovely year (and a busy one too)!

When I spent last year in Taiwan, I did not speak much Finnish, nor did I practise in any way the stuff we learned before. Now, suddenly, I need to start teaching Finnish to kids and I am supposed to be a professional. The thing is that I have forgotten most of the stuff and I'm even in need of practise with speaking Finnish myself.. I notice myself forgetting some words midspeak and just using really weird sentence structures. So for me this year is also going to be a lot of relearning of the stuff I'm already supposed to know. Anyhow, this year I will surely learn a lot, about myself and about the future job of mine.

This month I have been living the life of a monk, practically. Not that I have been praying or anything, but I had a temporary appartment for only a month so I didn't bring most of my stuff there. So, I've had just a mattress on the floor, some clothes, computer on a cardboard box and one bowl, cup, fork and knife, basicly. Also some other stuff, but mostly just that. It was a learning experience, to notice how much a person is dependent on the most simplest stuff.. I did not miss my books really, neither did I miss my extra clothes or even a computer desk.. But I was horribly in need of a microwave and a plate. Honestly, I got really annoyed that I lack those things for about six times a day.

The reason I wrote that last part in past tense is that yesterday, besides first day in school, I also got the keys for my permanent appartment (a studio flat, yay!) and I moved my monk-life in. Tomorrow my parents will bring all the rest of my stuff here (namely, my life), and I can start to unpack and organise. That will probably finally give me the feeling of really living here again, and not just being here.

As an ending comment, I borrowed a chinese book from library, one of the two that were in traditional characters. It's really interesting, the only problem is that I do not understand most of it. :D

A fan?

Many people used to ask me(and still do) why did I choose Taiwan, both at all or over mainland China. I used to answer that I watched some taiwanese tv soap operas and became a taiwan fan. But am I a taiwan fan still? I could hardly say I am a Finland fan, even though I love it very much. Can you be a fan of a place you have called home?

Small things I do

These days I have been having so much fun with my friends, laughing at silly things, doing even sillier things, and just being free and happy. I love my friends, and my life here in Jyväskylä would be nothing without them. But then, sometimes, in the middle of planning new bands and "bands" with them, I suddenly remember the JiaoDa choir and how it felt like to be one sound with them, and I just want to get back. That is one of the reasons why I want to sing the taiwanese songs with our singing group: some part of these lives would be together, connected with music that can be felt in every language.

Now, when I see an asian face, I automatically focus on them, straining to hear if they speak chinese or not, unconciously following them. To me, sometimes they look more familiar than these white-faced strangers. I saw an asian father playing with his kid on the yard of my appartment building, and I just stopped and stood there watching them play like I'd seen a father with his kid for the first time. Somehow I feel connected to them, even though I have no idea who they are.

Today morning I went to buy something to drink and I found a bottle of Guava juice in the crocery store. It made me so happy that I was smiling there alone. I bought it even though it was ridiculously expencive, because that is one of the flavours of Taiwan to me. The taste makes me remember.

Some moments I perfectly love the peace and quiet in here, embracing the silent streets in the evening. I love the early autumn breeze on my face, although I know it's the sing of coming winter. The nature looks so beautiful, so untouched, so familiar and friendly. Some other moments I feel all this, but still strangely miss the noise, and the crowd and the flashing lights of the night market, and the lovely buzz on the campus in Jiaoda.. Before I went to Taiwan, I always thought the amount of people and the hectic rhythm of the city would be the worst for me.. And now I find myself looking at the pictures and wishing I could hop back in the middle of those people.

I met some taiwanese exchange students in Jyväskylä this week. I'm hoping I will make friends with them and maybe others that will come later, maybe that way I can feel my other home country through them, and also get to speak chinese, which I do not want to forget after spending so much time and effort on learning it.

Finding back my life

When I was in Taiwan, I had a life, that was completely new and totally different. It was also almost completely separated from my old life in Finland. It's like I lived the life of a completely different person, who happens to be very much like me.

But Taiwan was the life of Zhenzhu, the other Reetta, and now I am back to my old life again, with my family, my studies, my friends. It was really hard to think how it would feel like to be back again, maybe the same, maybe different, maybe my friends don't remember me anymore, maybe they all missed me really bad? I was a little afraid, even. When I came back, and saw everyone, it feels mostly like I had never even been away. That the whole year was just a dream, and I was with all these people just yesterday.

And yet the whole year was so true, and there are so many memories, people and experiences in my heart, that can never be truly understood by these people, that took me back like I was the same me. It's also a relief, no one has forgotten me, I haven't lost anything, only gained more.

And this is the story my blog wants to tell: How it is to live my old life again, and how is Taiwan now part of it. It is in english, because I want my friends from both of these lives to understand me. :)